October 28, 2013

It's all Starting to Sink in...

My husband got a promotion and his company is moving us. This is all happening so fast I can't even fully comprehend it. I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm nervous, I'm scared all at the same time. It's not like this moving thing is new for us. We've lived in 4 different states during six years of marriage and 5 different homes. This move though is different in so many ways.

We hoped to be here in PA for at least 5 years. We jumped right in and bought a gorgeous farmhouse to call home that has a creek flowing through the backyard. I'll admit this farmhouse wasn't love at first site for me. But when I finally did fall in love I fell hard. 
I have so much to be grateful for. I can't believe I was given the gift of calling this farmhouse home, even if it was for a short time. It has been such a wonderful experience and the fact that we get to leave on a happy note is a huge blessing. There are so many who've experienced being ripped away from the homes that they love because of tragedy or uncontrollable circumstances.

I realize I never even said where we are moving. I had my husband be the bearer of the good and bad news to family and friends. But I myself never said the words out loud to anyone until the lady in Saladworks tried to give me a rewards card. I told her I didn't need a card because I was wouldn't be the area much longer. So she asked where I was moving and that was the first time I said out loud, I'm moving to Colorado.


Even though I was desperate for human contact, considering I've been alone for the last week, I left the store quickly because the tears were coming and I couldn't stop them. Now that the floodgates have opened they aren't easily closed again. I cry because we adore Colorado. I cry because here in PA we live much closer to our families and we will be farther away again.  I don't cry because we have to sell our home, I cry thinking about how blessed someone will be to live in it. I pray that if they don't know God they find him because of his amazing display of creativity all around this place. I cry because of all the hopes, dreams and plans that seem lost.

I often thought about what it would be like to have children here. They would have so much fun pitter-pattering through the creek and collecting critters.
I knew right what I would do if I got pregnant, where the nursery would be and how it would look. This house needs a family in it. I remember right after we moved in the elderly lady across the street was shocked to discover we didn't have children. She said, "well why would move into such a big house, you must get pregnant right away!" If only it were that easy... I'm still not sure if I can even have children which I'm starting to make peace with. 

I was always dreaming up new ideas for the property around this farm house. I wanted a couple goats and some chickens. I had a plan for where the chicken coop would go too. I wanted to build it right under the screened in porch. There's even a window under there that leads to the basement, where I wanted to build shelves and nesting boxes so that I could just reach through and grab the eggs. Wouldn't that be awesome?
I've often wondered why it was difficult for us to completely settle in PA. Soon after we moved in our only neighbors moved out. I found a place to throw pottery and it ended up to be something different than I thought. I got my own kiln but had to do some rewiring before I could use it, which never happened. We visited more churches than I can remember, going for weeks even months at a time to some and still never made connections beyond surface. I had a very difficult time finding a job and when I finally found one and got into a routine I was laid off. Could all of it be because we were being protected. What were we supposed to learn from all this only to end back up in Colorado?

I'm looking forward to being in Colorado again. I feel so thankful the move is to somewhere we're already familiar with. It just seems like there's so much to think about before I actually get there.  How long will it take for our house to sell? Where will we live next? Where will I be for the holidays? How long will I be apart from my husband? Will my dogs be okay through this transition? 
My husband is in Colorado right now and has been for the last week. That's one of the biggest challenges of moving for his career. I usually have to spend time alone while he goes ahead to the new job. He gets to have experiences and build connections without me.  I feel as though I'm riding on his coat tails. It seems as if I have no identity of my own, I just follow him around where ever he goes. Every time we've moved I've had to give up my own career and dreams that I've begun formulating. When we move people are waiting for him and know his name, they chose him for his new position. He even had a nice breakfast put together for him on his first day at his new job. When I finally arrive to a new place it goes like this, "oh you're the wife." So there is my identity "the wife" that they've already heard and formed opinions about. It's so hard to keep starting over and I can't tell you how many people think it sounds so great and they always say, "well at least you don't have kids." That doesn't really make moving any better. How else do you connect with people in a new place? Mom's have it easy there are so many support groups and people out there who they can connect with just because they have kids. Nobody cares about people without kids they automatically think everything is easier and they have it all together. Well it's not always easy and sometimes it's downright lonely. 

I know deep in my heart that God works In ALL things.

Romans 8:28
 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good 
to those who love God, to those who are called 
according to His purpose.

This is one of the threads of hope that I cling to daily. I must believe that Gods working in my life and that everything is orchestrated by Him for a reason. I never would have imagined that at 28 years old I would have experienced buying my first home and experienced selling my first home all in practically the same year. I've been in shock the last few weeks, almost paralyzed. Have you ever felt that way before? There is hope for whatever situation you're going through too. Whether it's big or small, to us it matters and that means it matters to God. I tell you what I've been on a few roller-coasters but this one has more ups and downs than any roller-coaster  I've ever been on before. 


I'm not going to worry I'm going to strive to be present in the moment and live life to the fullest wherever and whenever I am. If that's one thing I learned it's to focus on the NOW and not about what was or could be. Pray that I remember that and I take it with me wherever I go.


3 comments:

  1. Katherine - Change is TOUGH. So is that Scripture about not worrying about anything. (I just may be speaking from personal experience. :-) ) But, I'm thinking of you this morning and praying for peace during this transition, and I hope you can feel the prayers of family and friends - even blogger friends you've never met in real life. Grace and peace to you, Katherine!

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  2. I'm so sorry to hear that you'll be leaving this beautiful place, but am just as sure that where you're going you'll enjoy that place too. As you say you're going to a place that you're already familiar with. And don't worry about your dogs, because they will be happy wherever you are. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.

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  3. Just know that you have friends waiting for you in CO =)

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