Unless you're family or a close friend you've been unaware that what's been keeping me busy lately is the distraction of a baby being created inside me at this very moment. Our first baby is due in December. As you can guess from the title of the blog I love to create but this by far is the best thing I've ever been a part of creating. I've been debating for a while if I was going to share the news on the blog. It just seemed too special and sacred not to keep it all to myself but at the same time not shout it to the world. I also don't want to be the cause of hurt or struggle in people. Everything in our society seems to revolve around families and children. You can't get away from the commercials, exclusive church groups, conversations, articles and blogs. You can't even tell who your friends are on Facebook anymore because all their profile pictures are of babies.
After having a conversation with my husband I decided it was something I defiantly needed to share with you all. He reminded me how much of my life I've already shared on this space and that many people have prayed for me and sent well wishes my way when I was recovering from my surgeries. As always I write on this blog because I love to share and I hope to inspire others. Maybe by me sharing my experience it will encourage someone else.
When we were first married 7 years ago, having children was the last thing on our minds. We wanted to enjoy each other and life. I watched many people around me have children at a young age and it wasn't something I wanted. I wanted to settle into life first. There definitely came a point when everyone around us was having children and we did start to feel left out of that "exclusive" club. It wasn't until I had a series of surgeries though and was diagnosed with endometriosis that I wondered if I could even have children of my own. There's nothing worse than getting regular ultrasounds because you're in pain and they need to see if any there are more cysts growing. You lay there thinking about when people normally get ultrasounds it's a joyful experience of them getting to see a little life for the first time. I spent a lot of time worrying about my health and wanting to control it. The doctor who performed my last surgery said the best thing I could do is get pregnant and he sent me to a fertility specialist. That fertility specialist discussed putting me through temporary menopause until I was ready to get pregnant then giving me some type of injections to speed up the fertilization process after that. I left the appointment realizing that by putting myself through the medication and injections I was just trying to control things more. I decided to read some very helpful books, I literally got off all medications and focused more on what I was eating. I was told by doctors if I didn't at least take some type of birth control pill my endometriosis and cysts would get worse. Well slowly but surely days started going by and I felt more energized and healthy.
My husband and I decided that we weren't going to worry or obsess about having children. We thought it would be much more disappointing to try only to realize nothing was working. So we just let things happen naturally no plans, special potions, calendars, medications... If a year or so went by with no kids we were going to start pursuing adoption. It's so fascinating that once all control was given up how much better I felt. Everyday was and is a walk in faith.
Finding out I was pregnant was a surprise. We actually went on a backpacking trip and I was feeling a little strange. I was also extremely hungry. Sure enough shortly after we got back on April 1st of all days I found out I was pregnant. My husband actually didn't believe me because it was April Fools Day. I didn't even know it was that day and besides what a cruel joke. I've had a very blessed pregnancy so far. No real negative symptoms at all. The only real symptoms I've experienced are being tired and very very hungry. I actually feel healthier than I have in a long time. It's amazing!
Of course I'm dealing with a roller-coaster of emotions. I still don't feel settled in life. We just moved again recently and it seems like it takes forever to establish friendships. We found a church we like but it still doesn't feel like home. I really would have loved to be settled into a career. The week I found out I was pregnant I was actually offered a job and was looking into renting a pottery studio space. All that has been put on the back burner now and it hurts sometimes. I really don't want my identity to only be mom and my name not to be mine anymore but instead be _______'s mom. I guess I'm afraid I won't be able to have a career, throw pottery or develop friendships after I have a baby. These are all irrational fears right?
So if you don't see me writing as much here on the blog you know why. I'm busy preparing for the baby. I've been painting rooms, refinishing chairs and I have tons more I want to do. The nesting has hit me hard already. Not to mention I just haven't felt motivated to write lately I'm not sure why. I would love to hear what you think about all this. Do you have any advice? Would you like to read more about this whole baby thing or do you feel like there's too much baby overload out there already?
The first thing I started working on for the baby is a tiny rocking chair. Because it was broken I got it for free. With some wood glue and lots of time, this little chair is as good as new. I wanted it to still look old though. So I just sanded it down smooth, cleaned it up real good and applied many coats of polyurethane. Here's the progression of the chair, pictures don't do it justice.