November 23, 2013

This too Shall Pass

The clouds roll in so quickly and often unexpectedly. I can sense the change in pressure. I don't know when or where I am. Everything is changing too fast. The weight of life can be heavy.
I'm embarking on yet another move. All moves have their challenges but this one seems to be especially challenging. Maybe it's just because that's how the storm is in the moment. Only when it's passed can we see more clearly. I never thought I would be moving again so soon. My hope was that when I did move it would be further South preferably nearer to my sister-in-law. I love spending time with her! The South to me is a place full of kindness, rich in history, character and culture.

I can't help but feel as though once again I have no say in my life and I fear falling into depression. I have to hold on to the fact that these feelings will pass and that I really have no say in my life, no matter what, because I've already given my life over to God. I've been told by multiple people that I could have said no to moving to Colorado. How could I tell my husband to pass up a job promotion and moving to a place he loves? Colorado is still so foreign to me, even though I've lived there before. 
Maybe it's because I just got back from a whirl wind of a trip but I'm very conflicted about the move. I just spent over a week in a hotel room everyday while my husband went to work.  When I wasn't in the hotel I was searching for a home or walking to the nearby mall. I suppose I went to Colorado full of expectations even though I told myself that's not what I was gonna do. I was expecting a new home to love that my husband already picked out and put a contract on without me seeing. Let's just say it wasn't love at first site and on top of it there were big issues that came up in the inspection. I was expecting to attend a church that would water my dried up spirit. Instead I found major crowding. There are so many people in Colorado! I'm just not use to all the houses, all the traffic, all the people. It really must be a great place to live, actually I know it is. I just need to get use to it all again.
Living in Pennsylvania has been such a disappointment in regards to finding a community. I don't think I've ever been lonelier. After a series of tough job situations and endless amounts of churches we visited I guess I kinda gave up. I love my home so much but I need a community to be a part of. My husband is in Colorado until we close on our house in PA.  This will be the first time we've spent a holiday apart. Hopefully it will just be Thanksgiving.
Despite my negative feelings at times, God has been faithfully showing Himself. I do feel peace and our house in PA had an offer on it before we even officially had it on the market. A family is really going to love calling this place home. We just need to get through a few inspection hurdles. I find myself wishing I could have a place like my current home in Colorado. It's impossible to find a 111 year old farmhouse surrounded by woods with a creek flowing through the backyard. Houses are so much more expensive there and very different from what we have now. It's just a house though and that's not what matters. It's the people, memories and love that fills a house that's important.  I'm looking forward to feeling settled again and not being exhausted all the time. I know this too shall pass and it will be a faded memory. 
Do you have any challenging moving stories that are distant memories? 
I took all these pictures during my recent visit to Colorado. They depict perfectly my emotions. No matter how much the clouds build and how stormy it seems like it could get there is still a beam of light shinning through. If you have a chance say a little prayer for me; I'm heading back to the attic to try tightening a loose and very old railing.

1 comment:

  1. If you use Facebook, you'll have seen some of these things being shared. One of them that I recently participated in is the one where you have to post X number of things your friends may or may not know about you. I wrote that by the time I got to high school, I'd changed schools about 7 times and how lucky my younger brothers and sisters were not to have to do that. I hope and pray that things will turn out well for you. I know change is difficult, especially a move. I had lived in small towns and the country before coming to Spain The first two weeks I was unhappy because there were so many people. Come to think of it, I still don't like going to the centre for that reason. However, now I consider Madrid my home and wouldn't want to live in a smaller place. Remember no matter how grey the day, the sun is always there behind the clouds!


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