Feeling Icky

These last few weeks I have felt just plain terrible. I'm very in tune with my body, I know when just the slightest thing is different. This can be a good thing but generally not for those that are around me. I start talking about it and discussing it out loud. Bouncing ideas off everyone, wondering if they can help me solve whatever mysterious change is happening in my body.

About 3 weeks ago I shared a post about getting the flu and my battle with depression. As far as depression goes I've never felt this way for such a consistent period of time. I feel lost with what to do and what it means. I received a few encouraging responses from readers and some advice from loved ones. I know one thing I need to do is continue to strengthen my relationship with the Lord. I also need to work on building relationships with those around me. Of course it's easier said than done but I'm working on it. So I bounced back from the flu and have been working hard to stay positive but soon after the flu I found myself VERY emotional and bloated. My stomach felt so strange. I knew something wasn't right but I managed to keep these thoughts to myself for almost a week. My husband started noticing my lack of enthusiasm and motivation. I was just plain tired and grumpy.

Our friends from Minnesota decided that they wanted to come for a visit. I feel so blessed by their friendship and so happy that they are expecting their first child! Honestly though I was in no mood for visitors and didn't really want them to come. That's terrible isn't it! I felt so grumpy and the bloating was getting worse and now I was feeling nauseated and my back hurt. Our friends did come for a visit and I couldn't have been happier to see them. I tried to act normal but apparently I didn't do a good job, with all my questions about pregnancy and my complaints about my stomach I think I led my friends to believe I thought I was pregnant.

Yes that was in the back of my mind but I really thought that the first weeks of pregnancy weren't gonna feel so freaky. Sick yes, freaky, no. I told my husband that it felt like an alien was growing inside me, not a baby. We aren't planning on children for a couple more years still but we know that it would be a blessing to have one at any time, even if it's unexpected.

After our company left I took a pregnancy test and the results were a clear negative. Strange because a few more days passed and my stomach felt swollen and I didn't want to wear anything but my biggest, stretchiest, pants. The nausea and exhaustion was also worse. So after a few days I took another pregnancy test and still it was negative. That's when I decided setting up a doctors appointment was something I had to do. Unfortunately I couldn't be seen for a week but I figured I could wait.

This last Friday I was on the phone with my mom and I was telling her how it hurt to even sit and that it's getting worse. She advised me to call the doctor and see if they could squeeze me in that day, that I shouldn't wait. Thankfully they could get me in. I wondered if it could be an appendicitis since that runs in my family and my pain was becoming more localized. But could you have discomfort for so long?

I was the last patient seen that day and they saw me in a hurry. Of course they told me the symptoms I was describing were very similar to what women say when they are newly pregnant. They wanted to make sure I wasn't pregnant and to their surprise, I wasn't. I told them I hoped pregnancy wouldn't feel so strange... They took my blood to see if my white blood cells were high. They called me later with the results and said everything about my blood-work was normal. So my doctor said to come back in a few weeks if the problem persists that maybe I'm lactose intolerant or something.

I thought that was strange because it's literally uncomfortable for me to sit and bend and even just lay, even though that's better than sitting or bending. The next day I decided to fast in hopes my stomach would be less bloated and swollen feeling. I just drank hot tea and rested all day. Towards the end of the day I realized nothing was changing, if anything it felt worse and actually was starting to feel painful and in an even more localized area. Apparently it can be hard to tell if someone is having an appendicitis.  Was this happening to me, how would they know for sure just from blood-work? I'm not a doctor so I don't know these things but I do know my body and something wasn't right.

My husband decided to take me to the E.R. It was actually so quiet when we arrived and we didn't have to wait at all. I think telling them my pain was getting worse in the lower right side might have helped them move quickly. I was so thankful that they cared and were making an effort to find out what was wrong. The doctor pressed on me and ordered blood-work, he quickly ruled out an appendicitis because he said the discomfort would not last more than a week.

It's hard to put into words the level of discomfort I feel, it's just plain strange and miserable. I got my first sonogram done and it actually hurt. I asked if it was normal for it to hurt, it's not. Thankfully they were able to figure out what's wrong with me. I have a cyst on my ovary. Which is common for most women and usually you don't even know it's there. The problem with me is that my cyst is large at 7 cm. My mom has suffered from ovarian cysts in the past and has warned me that they can  be quite painful especially if they rupture. The doctor gave me some information but I still have lots of questions.  He said they can leak and when they're that large they can twist around. Usually they are able to shrink back down on their own. He's not sure if mine will shrink or if it will rupture. They want to monitor it, so I have to go back to the doctor in a few days.

I'm so happy to have this blog to distract me from this miserable pain. It's hard to find any position that's actually comfortable. I have found that a heating pad helps some. Thank you for listening and providing an outlet for me! Please share any advice or helpful hints for pain management you might have. I don't know much about this kinda thing except it makes me feel miserable. I appreciate you more than you know.

P.S. I know there is hope for me and others who may be dealing with ailments of their own!

Praise the LORD, my soul, and forgot not all his benefits—

who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases

{Psalm 103:2-3}